I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
