oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
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