just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
