I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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