some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
P.S. I can't hear my feet
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
