i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
