So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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