I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
