Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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