idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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