So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
