I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
