I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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