i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
