I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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