Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
