wanna go halves on a baby?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I love you. Go after that dick
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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