i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
