Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
