i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
