Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize