I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
