i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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