Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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