Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
