everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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