trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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