my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
