Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
