...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
