We won't sleep together?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize