STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
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