you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
