dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
