I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
