do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
