I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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