Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
