omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
