so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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