yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
