i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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