Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
