I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize