Only a mothe r could love this liver
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
