if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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