i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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