Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
