Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
last night I used snow as a chaser
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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