So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
