your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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