I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
