i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
