is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
