and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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