i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
