I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Please don't give away my fajitas
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
