i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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