i don't plan on having that self control this summer
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
