Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize