yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
