he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
