I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
