Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
