Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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