porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize