The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
