mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
tell your sister to shave her snatch
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
