My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
is wine microwaveable?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
