It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
