wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
