Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
