I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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